Pithy Phrase

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a woman, I put away childish things.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

This Post is Rated "R" for Language

And now, dear friends, a lesson in vocabulary.  You may be interested to know that the majority of insults aimed only at men actually insult women*.  If you ever want to insult a man, simply diss a woman in his life.  So, without further ado, a short list of somewhat-alphabetized examples:

Bastard: your mother was unmarried when she gave birth to you. A classic example.

Douchebag: you are that nasty thing that women use to wash their nasty (inferior?) parts.  It actually means "you are a particularly annoying man who thinks you're all that, and God's gift to those silly little women creatures, when really you live in your mom's basement and photoshop abs onto your profile picture."  I admit, this is one of my favorites.  I guess I could justify using it by pointing out that it is meant to insult sexist people . . . right?

Lace-on-your-pants/Panty waist: Ostensibly refers to women's inferior clothing.  You have a woman's sexual urges (you're homosexual), so why don't you just dress like a woman?  Insulting men with women's clothing?  Really?  Compare to "wearing the pants in the family."  My parents contributed this old-school insult.

Man up: don't be like a woman.  Be brave, courageous, strong (women do not possess these qualities).  Do the right thing; do what a man would do.  Could be interpreted as "don't be like a boy/child."  I prefer this definition, but it is sketchy since there is no "woman up" equivalent.

Mother f*cker: you had sexual relations with your mother.  Accusing you and your mother of incest (the strongest social taboo worldwide).

Pussy: you are a woman's inferior genitals.  Or, you are weak like a woman (so you must have her genitals.  Penises confer all things strong and fearless).  I absolutely abhor this word.

Pussy-whipped: you let a b*tchy woman control you, when YOU should be controlling HER.  Why don't you just stand up to her and show her who's boss?

Son of a b*tch: your mother is a b*tch.  Another classic.

Your mama jokes: somewhat self-explanatory.  Your mother is [fat].  Your mother is [ugly].  Your mother is [stupid].

You play ball like a girl: Sandlot, anyone?  Girls cannot play baseball because of their inferior muscles/spatial abilities/delicate clothing.  You play baseball like they do.

C*nt: supposedly the most offensive word in the English language.  Similar to "pussy", it refers to a woman's inferior genitalia.  Read the interesting evolution of this word here.**

Woman/girl/lady: you are a member of the inferior and subjugated "second sex."  You are weak, inconsequential, incompetent.  You are meant to be used.  You suck at life.  You do not act; you are acted upon.  Compare to "you're the man!" or "man up", above.  These are probably the most hurtful to women because they are so commonplace.  How is it okay to use "woman" as an insult?  General authorities in the LDS church are constantly saying that women are incredible, that women are God's highest creation.  And yet, I bet the vast majority of LDS men (and some women) have indirectly insulted women in this way before.  The other day my father told me that men will never stop seeing femininity as a weakness in themselves, as insulting and less-than.  I hope to God that is not true.  Research shows that androgynous people are happier and better adjusted people.  I applaud those men who are in touch with their feminine sides, and are not ashamed.

Which ones have I forgotten?

*Conversely, insults directed solely at women usually have to do with their sexual practices.  But that's a post for another day.

**The word "vagina" literally means "a sheath for a sword" in Latin.  The anatomical word for the birth canal has nothing to do with giving birth.  No, it's just a place to put your two-edged phallic symbol.  As such, some modern feminists are trying to reclaim c*nt, as it is more inclusive of the whole of female genitalia, instead of referring only to the bit that pleasures males.


Mhana said...

You left out "grow a pair" which, while an insulting term in itself, is still an insult. Same stuff as "man up" -- if you don't have male genitalia you are weak/cowardly/fearful etc.

Amy said...

YES! Thank you Jenna

Erstwild said...

Betty White was attributed to have said something like "People say if you want to be tough, grow some b*lls. B*lls are weak & sensitive. If you want tough, grow a vagina. That thing takes a pounding".

Crude & blunt, but she's right. If you put a man's testes through the same trauma as a vagina does in childbirth, men would be out of action for 6 months after that.

Kyra Orr said...

Also: sissy